David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
