i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
