Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
