paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
