The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
