OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
