Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
BRING THE BAGELS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
