Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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