i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
