conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
