i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
