No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
