Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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