You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
