I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
