we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
