I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
