I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
