we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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