I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize