Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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