I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
