tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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