What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
