Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
