I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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