I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The best revenge is premature balding
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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