I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
