I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he shaved USA in his pubs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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