i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
