Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
