i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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