what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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