she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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