Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
