u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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