I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
