drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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