drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
