i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
