Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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