She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
