she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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