i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
