I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
