Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
