I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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