he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
