guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
