Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
