You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
