his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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