Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
