I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
