NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
