I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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