my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't notice because vodka
Just high enough for therapy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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