someone get that fucking seahorse.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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