the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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