I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
