She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
soo... how was my night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
