It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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