I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please, let me fuck your mom
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
