Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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