I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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