We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
