she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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