While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
