this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
