no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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