problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
