Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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