I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
