Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
