you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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