I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
