Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
