Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
