I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
