There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
