Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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