i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
