i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize